I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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