ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Your cock deserves a montage
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
