doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
