I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just puked most of my soul out..
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
