yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
