His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
