I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
