so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
