anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
