i think my mom watched the whole time
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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