I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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