I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
