I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
