GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
im on a boat
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