She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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