you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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