He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
