I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I am available for nakedness
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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