hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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