Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
