I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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