When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
