I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
