i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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