break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
