Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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