normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
