Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
