Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
