Plan B is the new Plan A
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
