Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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