Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
