I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
