Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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