I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My pussy is not your playground.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
