considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
