i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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