this boner is exhausting
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
