I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
