So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
