we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
