you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
