No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
