i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
there is glitter all over my balls
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
