Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
