I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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