My hair reeks of homosexuality.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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