forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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