Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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