i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
