She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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