so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
