Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The air was thick with penises
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Never let your siblings swipe right.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
