is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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