So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
